Category Archives: Funny Bone

DON’T Let Me Nickname Your Dog

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I simply can’t be trusted. As I discussed in my last post, I would very much like to name your dog. But if you let me nickname your dog, I’ll make it weird.

However, if love is measured in nicknames, then my dogs experience immense amounts of adoration, just this side of smothering.

Gertie’s name is kind of a nickname in itself, though her “full name” is Gertrude in our minds only. Her other full name is Gertie Lou, which we insist has a sweet and spunky tone and not the hickish connotation that our friends from South Carolina conjured when they heard it. (It is not spoken with a twang.) This name just fits Gertie’s wiggly ways, but it has one other advantage: when she’s naughty, Gertie Lou morphs into Gertie Lucifer.

Gertie Lucifer

Now this is where it gets weird. One of our oft-used nicknames for Gertie is Boof, with several variations: Boofa, Boofie, Boofer Bear, and Boo Bear. I’m not sure why I applied this name to Gertie, but I do know its origins. When I was a toddler, I had a stuffed animal named Boofer Bear. When she’s not being Gertie Lucifer, Boofer is as cuddly as a teddy bear. And all of the variations sound bright and cheerful. When Tom comes home from works, he calls, “Where’s my Boofa?!” with each word drawn out. Gertie goes nuts.

Boofa

Speaking of bears, I also use other animal names as nicknames for Gertie: Monkey, Capuchin, Turkey; I think I’ve even tried out Wombat.

With the exception of Gertie Lucifer, these nicknames help express just how adorable and irresistible I find Gertie. I don’t know why names like Boofa or Turkey are terms of endearment–they just are. Maybe Turkey came about because I said I wanted to gobble Gertie up. Sometimes I do. Sometimes she is so sweet and cute that I want to ingest her.

Turkey

Other Gertie nicknames: Punkin, Punkin Pie, Punka, Punker; Pooka, Pookie; Gert, Dirt McGert; and Loubelle.

With Duke, I have annoyed myself by using several overly gendered nicknames: Mister, Bud, Buddy, Bubba. I can’t stop myself! With Mister, we often sing, “Mister, Mister, give me the news, I gotta bad case of luh-uhving you-ooh-ooh!” (Oh boy, the cat’s out of the bag: we’re dorks.)

Mister

However, we also have some creative nicknames for Duke. We sometimes call him the Great While Gorilla, which developed from calling Gertie Monkey. (And her nickname Capuchin materialized in response to Duke as the Great White Gorilla. The nickname game is a wildly choreographed dance around here.)

The Great White Gorilla

We also call Duke Dukie. I like names that end in the -ie sound. And while the name Duke takes itself a bit too seriously, Dukie suggests a playful, sweet personality, just like our boy. It’s also kind of funny and fitting that it’s a euphemism for poop, given Duke’s production capabilities on walks.

Our Dukie

What nicknames do you use for your dogs? Why do you think you use certain nicknames?

Related Post: Please Let Me Name Your Dog

Please Let Me Name Your Dog

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I borrowed the Big Book of Baby Names from my junior high library several times, but not because I was spending my time in such a way that would result in a teenage pregnancy. Far from it. I obsessed over names; I wrote lists with as many names as I could think of (or create) for each letter of the alphabet, and I perused the book of names for hours. So I connected when I read Nina Badzin’s post Please Let Me Name Your Baby, and in a similar fashion, I would like to offer my naming services for canines.

Stanley (picture source)

Stanley

So what does the Big Book of Baby Names have to do with dog names? Well, I like to give dogs people names–no Snowball or Spot for me.

My husband and I have been talking about dog names for years–back in our no-dog early twenties we daydreamed about what we would name our future dog(s). Now we toss around names just for fun: What do you think of a bloodhound named Stanley? Ooh, how about a mastiff named Bernice?

And it is fun. You have a lot more license when considering dog names than you do with kid names. You don’t really have to worry about how it works with your last name–the only time you’ll hear that is at the vet. Nor do you have to worry about the other dogs making fun of your dog’s name. The one thing you do have to consider with a dog that you don’t with a child, or at least I think so, is the dog’s breed.

Below I have listed types of dog names with examples. I also provided pictures in which I “named” the subjects. I used Laura Wattenberg’s book The Baby Name Wizard as a reference but also just my own opinions about the “feel” of a name and how it fits with a certain breed, look, or type of dog. (I’m also not trying to discriminate against mixed breeds; the naming process is more about the look of a dog than its particular breed.) After reading these names, if you’d like to give me the honor of naming your dog, just holler!

My absolute favorite dog names are blue-hair human names. I think out-of-fashion people names gain a new spark when given to a dog. Wattenberg calls these names “Porch-Sitters.”

1. The Blue Hairs/Porch Sitters: Harriet, Edna, Mildred, Irma, Ruth, Ethel, Edith, Winifred, Beulah, Edwina, and Velma and Milton, Edgar, Herbert, Norbert, Grover, Abner, Doyle, Lester, Mortimer, and Melvin.

Harriet

Our boxer’s name*, of course, sits squarely on this porch: Gertrude. So ugly for a human (sorry, human Gertrudes of the world), but so splendid when applied, especially with the nickname Gertie, to a wrinkly, short-nosed, spunky boxer! I think the porch-sitting names work best when applied to smush-faced dogs, bully breeds and hounds–there’s just something about that so-ugly-they’re-adorable-look that begs for a fusty name–but they could definitely work for other breeds as well (a lab named Doyle, perhaps).

A classic Gertie

Norbert

I also like ironic names for dogs. I’m not talking about a Great Dane named Tiny, but rather grandiose, butch, or overly sophisticated names for little dogs, and fanciful or flowery names for huge or brutish-looking dogs.

2. Ironic little dog names: Blanche, Veronica, Tallulah, Delilah, Francesca, Magnus, Igor, and Judd.

Blanche or Igor--picture source

3. Ironic brute dog names: Violette, Winifred, Adeline, Penelope, Matilda, Wallace, Sylvester, Solomon, Oliver, Philip, and Peter.

Claribel or Wilhelmina--picture source

4. Match sight with sound: Or you could do just the opposite and choose a name for your dog with a sound that just fits how they look: a whippet named Winnie, a teacup chihuahua named Pip, a Rottweiler named Bruno, or an elkhound named Gregor.

Winnie sounds slight but sweet

5. Bright, cheerful, and cute: Poppy, Trixie, Polly, Archie, Milo, and Zeke.

Zeke

6. Foreign names that match the breed origin: You could choose a name that fits your breed’s ethnicity. Consider a Papillon named Delphine or Claude; an Irish setter named Gwendolyn or Hamish; an Italian greyhound named Alessandra or Salvatore.

Brigitte/Gaston

What names do you like for dogs? What do you think about my categories and/or the names I chose for the above dogs?

*We didn’t name Duke because he was already six when we got him, and we thought he had been through enough changes. However, if his name had been Killer, or some other heinous name, we would’ve changed it. If I had named him, I probably would have chosen something like Alfred–Alfie for short–or maybe Bernard or…so many names, so little time!

Related Post: DON’T Let Me Name Your Dog

We could always call him Duke Alfred.

Dress Up Dogs

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When Gertie was just a puppy, I struck a deal with her that I would only dress her up once per year. So while I have admired the many adorable canine Halloween costumes I’ve seen floating around the web since Monday (I have listed some of my favorites below), I did not put Gertie or Duke in costume. (Full disclosure: I was actually out of town on Halloween, and Tom did put scarves on the dogs for some reason. I’ll add pictures later.)

Though I know dogs feel uncomfortable and sometimes stressed when dressed up, I also can’t help but coo and laugh at how cute they look in their duds! I think it’s ok to dress up a dog for just a short time, as long as the costume isn’t painful or especially uncomfortable. Check out A Belle, A Bean, A Chicago Dog’s post featuring her adorable Sea Creature Crew (kids and dogs), as well as Kissbeep’s rundown of cute canines in costumes. My favorite costume, however, has to be the Bob the Builder bulldog, whose picture headlined my post from Monday: A No Dog Howl-o-Ween.

While all of the above dogs looked festive on Halloween, I save my one day of doggie dress-up for our annual holiday card, in which Duke will get to participate this year (I’m sure he will be thrilled). I don’t think the photos in these cards accurately depict Gertie’s personality, since she’s so put out that she’s dressed up she can barely stand it. But I do think they’re pretty funny (if I do say so myself).

2008–The year that started it all:

About 10 days before we had these pictures taken, Gertie underwent surgery to remove two large cysts from her head. She was well-healed when we did the pictures, but she still had a large square shaved into her head. So, she had to wear the Santa hat (though you can still see the shaved patch in one picture). Gertie is a very sweet dog, but it probably took all her will to resist biting the back of my neck in the first picture because she hated that sweater. Notice that she’s not wearing it in the second picture–we’re not that mean!

2009–Oops, we missed Christmas!

The look on Gertie’s face in the middle picture doesn’t actually suggest warm wishes (or warm-up wishes).

2010–Continuing the tradition

Gertie is wearing a vest in the top left picture, though it was so big it looks more like a cape. I like how she’s looking at us like we’re crazy in the largest picture. She’s probably right.

2011–Wait and see!

We have already planned our theme for our 2011 holiday card, though we have to collect all the props to make it work. We also have to figure out where we’ll get the pictures taken since the place we’ve gone the past three years has closed. We may try to take the pictures ourselves. Is that a crazy notion? Can we get a good picture of two dogs and two people using the timer on my camera? Stay tuned to find out!

Do you include your dog(s) in your holiday card? How do you feel about dressing up your dog(s)?

By the way, check out this new event in Eastern Iowa: Iowa Humane Alliance Community Mosaic Art Project, Thursday, November 17. For information about dog-related events in Iowa (and the Midwest), check the DoggiEvents page. You can also find links to read about past events.

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

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But go ahead and take their pictures.

The best pillow is a sister's rump.

Is there anything better than snoozing pup pictures? I was just browsing my laptop for photos of my dogs sleeping, and I finally had to cut myself off. I have hundreds. I have pictures of my dogs sleeping on couches, chairs, floors, blankets, pillows, laps, grass, cement, hay, each other; in kennels, cars, self-made blanket tents, recliners. Why do I have all these pictures of slumbering dogs? Let’s make a list:

Four Reasons I Love Taking Sleeping Pup Pictures

  1. They’re not moving. How many blurry pictures do you have of your dog(s) running around the yard, romping in the living room, or even just sitting since he inevitably turns his head at the last minute? Except for the occasional running-dog dream, a dog asleep is a dog at rest. Click away.
  2. No Glow Eye. Dogs’ eyes reflect light differently than humans’ eyes, so when you use the flash, you get the dreaded Glow Eye. While red-eye software works handily on human eyes, it doesn’t work for dogs. So then your precious baby looks like some kind of sci-fi villian–you’re not capturing her true look. But when your dog is snoozing, you don’t have to worry about Glow Eye (Dead Eye, maybe, but not Glow Eye).
  3. Zzzzzz Creativity. Dogs twist, turn, and flip themselves into some pretty remarkable, and sometimes funny, sleeping positions. I often wonder, Is it really comfortable to sleep with one of your back toenails nearly up your nose? When Gertie and Duke strike an especially intriguing sleep pose, I can’t help but grab my camera (often easing myself as quietly off the couch and across the room as possible–sometimes I wish I had a forehead-mounted camera).
  4. Awwwww. They’re just so darn cute when they’re sleeping–duh! Whether they’re curled up in a little ball or flopped across a chair, it’s the perfect time to capture their adorable features: front paws framing a snout, silky ears draped over paws, soft belly up in the air.

** As I finish writing this post, Duke is sleeping facing me with his head on my leg and the side of my laptop, ear draped over my knee and tongue sticking out. Ugh, where is that automatic head-mounted camera when you need one?! (Update just before hitting Publish: His paw has been resting on my other leg–the one without the ear draped over it–, under the laptop, and now he’s twitching, so I’ll periodically feel his nails digging into my thigh and see his eyes twitching.)

Here is just a fraction of my Snoozing Dog collection. Not surprisingly, I have included a bunch of sleeping-dog pictures in other posts here, here, and here.

There are two sleeping boxers in this picture.

Eye open, tongue out--this is the way we sleep on the couch.

Sometimes you need a nap buddy.

Sometimes you need several nap buddies.

Mr. Smushface Flippyear

In her grandma's lap, on her back, in a recliner, wearing a bandana.

Enough! No more paparazzi!

What is your dog’s favorite sleeping position (or the one you find the cutest/funniest)?

Dog Toe Bouquets and Other Dog Blog-Inspired Musings

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I’m having a lot of fun writing this dog blog, and one aspect of the experience that I especially enjoy is the inspiration that other bloggers provide (both fellow dog bloggers and those writing blogs with other themes). As I write this, I realize already that the list below is incomplete. I’m inspired every day by others’ writing to think about my dogs in new ways or simply laugh at the funny antics of canines. So here are a few things that I’ve thought about lately thanks to fellow bloggers (and I’m sure there will be more to come, as I there’s one inspiration I had planned on including that I couldn’t even fit in this post):

  • Dog Toe Bouquets–HeroesNPirates commented on Gertie’s puppy picture from my About page, saying he loves when dogs gather their paws like that. He called it a “dog toe bouquet,” a description that captures my feeling that these moments are some of the many sweet little gifts that dogs bestow on us. So he inspired me to share some more pictures of dog toe bouquets:

Canine gang sign or doggie yoga?

Put your paws together for nap time!

A streamlined DTB + Duke cuddling with his camo afghan.

* If you have any dog toe bouquet pictures, please share! You can provide a link in the comments section below, or email them to a.thomson.viner@gmail.com, and I will post them.

  • Scent of a Dog–I’m not referring to dogs’ extraordinary sense of smell, but rather how they smell to us. I read this post by HeroesNPirates, and it made me think about how Gertie and Duke smell. HeroesNPirates wrote that many people think their dogs’ paw pads smell like corn chips, so I tested the theory. Duke’s paws definitely smell like Fritos. I had to sniff Gertie’s paws a couple different times

    Corn chips, anyone?

    because the first time I inhaled they just smelled like wet grass (she’d been outside). But the next time I put nose to paw I smelled that salty, starchy scent–corn chips.  Now, I have paid quite a bit of attention to Gertie’s paws in her life because when she was a pup I just marveled at the pristine pink and black marbling on her pads (my previous dogs had always had all-black paw pads). But I’m not sure if I had ever defined the smell of her paws. I had noticed their particular smell, as I often lie down with her on the floor, but I hadn’t expressed, “Why Gertie, your paws smell like junk food!”

  I had absolutely noticed how the top of Gertie’s head smells. I have always thought it smells like sweet hay, though now it just smells like sweet Gertie–it’s her own unique scent. And the inside of her ears smell even sweeter, though I’m woefully inadequate at describing the scent. I think they smell like some kind of flower, but I’m not sure which one. Not lilies, and definitely not marigolds. Roses seems too cliche, but that could be it. Daffodils, maybe? Or am I just saying that because I love daffodils? Ah, I don’t know–I’ll have to get back to you on that!

I also can’t decide what the top of Duke’s head smells like. So far it doesn’t have a discernible smell, at least not to my sniffer. His ears also smell sweet, but not as sweet as Gertie’s (sorry, Buddy).

 ** What does your dog smell like?

  • Upside Down Dogs–Alex over at Alex Donald’s Multiverse shared a link to Upside Down Dogs on Friday. It’s a site with a simple, yet oh-so-smile-inducing concept: pictures of dogs upside down. I plan to submit my own upside down pups to the site, and so should you, but I thought I’d share them here first:

Gertie’s not exactly upside down in the next picture, but it at least counts as an upside down dog story. The cabin in Minnesota sits on a slight incline that leads down to the shore. After Gertie “swims” (read: wades), she runs up the hill, flops on her back, and shimmies backwards towards the lake.

The shimmy...

...and the after-effects.

*** Picture(s) of Upside Down Duke to be added later. The funny thing is, he’s upside down on the couch more than he’s right-side-up, but I haven’t captured it in a photo yet.

I usually include a question at the end of a post for your consideration and comments, but I have written a question and a sharing opportunity above to go along with the appropriate bullets. So check them out! Here’s to our sweet-and-salty-smelling, dog-toe-bouquet-making, upside-down dogs!

From Behind Slobber-Coated Glass: Window Boxer Dogs

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I told Dogs and Literature in a comment that I would post pictures of my window boxers, in response to her post More Window Boxers. Who knew that was a thing? (It wasn’t, really, until she and her boyfriend made it up. But, as she says, now that they’ve made it up, they’re seeing more and more window boxers and continuing to take pictures.)

So here are mine, behind slobber-coated glass (Dogs and Literature amazingly has many without the slobber, but I guess they’re mostly open windows):

Um, why are we in here when you're out there? Hello?

Is there any point in cleaning the storm door? I think not.

A spaniel sneaked into this Window Boxer picture!

Do you have pictures of your doggie in the window? If so, post a comment with a link or email me the picture at a.thomson.viner@gmail.com. I’d love to see them (and I’ll post them too)!

Happiness Illustrated

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Disney World what? According to Gertie and Duke, The Farm, not the Disney park, is the happiest place on earth.

The shirt says it all.

They romped and stomped and bounded. They impersonated a thundering herd. They hunted mice in a staccato duet–Gertie: pounce, lunge, point and freeze. Duke: spring, stomp, freeze–alert. Back and forth.

They sipped from the pond at sunrise and splashed in the muddy waters.

They were wild things, running free.

And even after this:

They were lovey dogs in the big red truck:

But after the ears-flapping-in-the-wind, jowls-bouncing joy came the make-me-gag, Could-You-Be-More-Disgusting? incident. Apparently, during his third trip to the farm, when I was so proud that he was bold enough to explore the woods on his own, Duke ate some deer dung. But I didn’t notice when he emerged from the woods, when I could have washed his mouth out in the pond. No, I didn’t find out until later–when he barfed it up on the living room carpet. I will spare you the details, but something meant to come out the back end of a wild animal projecting from the front end of a dog is just as gross as you would imagine. And I spent more than an hour blotting the carpet. Ugh. But I suppose it was worth it for all of that happiness; I’ve just told Duke that if he’s going to eat poop, he should have the decency to keep it down.

What’s the most disgusting thing your dog has done?

5 Reasons My Dogs Love Labor Day

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1. Kids’ faces to lick. Like many American families, ours gathers over the Labor Day weekend, including my nieces and nephew.  Here’s what Gertie’s capable of when it comes to kids:

This baby receiving a lickdown from Gertie is our friends’ son Nolan. Ella is 16 months old, so I’m sure she’ll be in the same boat as Nolan.

Now let’s check out Duke’s tongue and think about the implications for the children:

My bet: Duke will be able to slurp a child’s cheek from about five feet.

May your dogs find chubby cheeks to bathe in slobber this weekend.

2. Run Free! Dogs love to run free–no leash or harness to hold them back, ears flying, tongues flapping in the wind. This weekend, Gertie will introduce Duke to The Farm. The farm is more of a wildlife preserve and retreat for my parents, and my dad drives Gertie out in his big red truck (so she now has an affinity for big red trucks; on a walk one day, she stopped in the middle of the street and begged to go get into a stranger’s red truck). The farm is bordered by actual crops. The variety of animal smells really attracts the dogs, as well as the pond for drinking, wading, or stealing fish food. But the room to run is the biggest draw.

May your dog find room to run this weekend.

3. Food. Little kids + tasty meals = yummy crumbs for dogs. And sometimes naughty grandpas offer treats as well.

May your dog enjoy delicious (and hopefully healthy!) treats this weekend.

4. Smells. The Labor Day weekend provides plenty of odorous entertainment. In addition to the yummy kid food mentioned above, and any grilling and celebratory desserts, the farm and my parents’ wooded yard offer scents from woodchucks, deer, squirrels, rabbits, birds, raccoons, and more. I love to watch Gertie snuffle through the grass when she’s caught a particularly pungent scent, and I’m sure Duke will be on the trail too.

May your dogs sniff to their nostrils’ content this weekend.

5. Duh–Mom and Dad don’t go to work!

May your dog enjoy quality time with you this weekend!

What are you and your dogs doing this Labor Day weekend?

When Girls Get Even

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In yesterday’s post, I discussed how Duke has peed on Gertie’s head–twice!–on walks. But Gertie does have her own way of getting back at Duke when she’s pissed (pun intended). She usually does this when Duke has stolen attention–butted in on her greeting time. Or maybe he hip checked her into the wall or stole a toy.

Anyway, she makes her feelings pretty clear. She runs up to him, flips his ear back with her nose, and barks as sharply as possible directly into it. She’s barking mad, and she’s not gonna take it! Her purposefulness with this revenge amazes me–she’s done it multiple times.

What do your dogs do when they’re mad? Or am I anthropomorphizing too much–can dogs really feel anger? I know that dogs do have emotional lives (see Inside of a Dog, by Alexandra Horowitz, Time magazine’s Inside the Minds of Animals,” just to name a couple of sources), but their emotions are not the same as ours, so I don’t know that they necessarily get “mad” like we do.

He looks sorry, right?

When Walks Go Wrong

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The perils of a two-dog walk (when one of said dogs is a leg-lifter): Duke peed on Gertie’s

What the what?!

head. Innocent little Gertie was just sniffing a parking curb framed by apparently fragrant weeds, when Duke decided to mark that spot and showered pee onto her head. Gertie gave me a pathetic look as a urine droplet ran down the white flash between her eyes and pee dripped off her silky ears. What can I say? Boys are gross.

“All right, we’re going home for clean-up, ” growled. Luckily we were less than a block from home. Gertie endured a quick spot-bath, and then we tried Take 2 of the walk–and I watched where Duke was aiming his pee this time!

This incident happened in the first two weeks that we had Duke, though it happened again the other day. This one wasn’t quite as bad, but it did require a trip home for a baby-wipe spot clean.

I’m still trying to figure out the best way to walk two dogs. First of all, with our Invisible Fence, I have to lift both dogs over the line. I’m not Wonder Woman (unfortunately!), so I can’t lift two boxers as once. Which is why I load the dogs into my car, drive half a block to the track parking lots, and unload them. It’s pretty annoying.

And, of course, I get tangled in the leashes. I’m constantly passing a leash behind my back or turning in a circle to extract myself from the boxer-created web. I probably look like I’m doing my very own crazy-person choreography. Or I feel like I’m driving a team of horses, with one leash in each hand, and Duke’s poop bags stuffed under my arm (Gertie does not poop on walks, and I love her for it). I did try one of these tandem leash things that hooks to each dog’s collar and then you attach one leash to center ring:But the dogs were confused, and I couldn’t blame them. They actually tolerated the experiment well, but I don’t think I have the patience to train them on it. And I feel like they deserve more freedom to sniff their own smells or just enjoy their own space.

What advice do you have for two-dog walking? What are your funny walking-my-dog stories?